sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
FUCK WHALES
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
