hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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