You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
