you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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