Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
