Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
