Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
