Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
