i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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