You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
