between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
