you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
