Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
