Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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