i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
