I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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