May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
