at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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