Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
