Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
