U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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