Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
