Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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