Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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