Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is the high leading the old right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
