Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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