He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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