did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just shotgunned beers for America
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
