Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
