that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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