U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
