Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
