I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He better not be in your backpack
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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