Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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