My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
