I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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