what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
