Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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