her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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