Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
