his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
