Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
