Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I look better un-naked...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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