You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize