i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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