It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
