i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
