3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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