After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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