I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
