Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
