I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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