He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
