now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
