I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
