well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
