He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
