went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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