I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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