So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The best revenge is premature balding
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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