did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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