Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is my gift to your gina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
