Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
