tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
