Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
