It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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